


We Had to Fall Apart to Begin Again

by vividmemories



Series: New Beginnings [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Back Together, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 23:30:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20379931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vividmemories/pseuds/vividmemories
Summary: Lance has been broken up with Keith for three years.He had moved on, knowing that he would never get closure for the abrupt end to their relationship.What he hadn't expected, was for Keith to be standing across the room, smiling as though nothing had changed.





	We Had to Fall Apart to Begin Again

_ He shouldn’t be here,  _ Lance thought. _ Nonononono _

Lance glanced down at his drink, wondering if this was some kind of champagne hallucination. Then, he looked back up hoping any trace of  _ him  _ would disappear from Lance’s line of vision and he could play it off as some kind of drunken delusion.

Two problems with that though, he was  _ still  _ here and Lance had only drunk about a fourth of his champagne glass so there was no way Lance was drunk.

He might be a lightweight but not  _ that  _ much.

Suddenly feeling nauseous, Lance ran towards the bathroom.

He waited in line for about three people before he got in to shut the door and sat down on the toilet. With his head in his hands, Lance's mind started to whirl with all the reasons  _ he  _ might be here, at this party. It didn’t make sense, Lance hadn’t even known Allura or anyone who worked at the firm when they were still together. 

So why on earth would he be standing across the room sipping champagne as if nothing has changed in the past three years?

Swallowing the bile that had built up in Lance’s throat, he exited the bathroom. Lance tried to navigate through a sea of people he barely knew, attempting to find Allura who had dragged him here.

Lance had accepted Allura’s invitation to be her date for her firm’s annual Christmas party. This was because Allura and her long-term boyfriend Lotor had just broken up, and she needed a friend since it was inevitable that she was going to see him since he was also a lawyer at Altea Co. alongside Allura.

Feeling overwhelmed, Lance cursed himself for agreeing to this.

After searching for a few minutes and not finding Allura anywhere, Lance props himself against the wall tentatively sipping from his champagne. His eyes find Keith,  _ him _ , who is across the room talking to a man, laughing at something the man said. A hot, churning in Lances’ stomach arises which Lance absentmindedly recognizes as jealousy.

With a start, the man, Lance realized, is Keith’s brother Shiro.

Shiro, who last Lance heard was still missing in action.

Shiro looks different now or at least from how he looked last time Lance had seen him, back when Lance and Keith were in high school, with a prosthetic where his right arm used to be, a tuft of white hair atop his head, and a scar that stretches across the bridge of his nose.

Glancing from Shiro to Keith, Lance notices how different Keith looks as well.

It’s not as startling as Shiro’s change in appearance, but Lance can clearly tell Keith has changed too. Lance could tell Keith seemed more muscular than when he saw him before, his black shirt doing nothing to hide the clear firmness of his stomach muscles. His jawline seemed more defined and the leather jacket he wore was one Lance had never seen before, but it was for sure more fashionable then the cropped red monstrosity he wore during college.

He looked  _ happier  _ too, Lance realized, the hard lines of his face seemed softer and his lips were turned upwards into a small smile.

The urge to throw up comes back with a vengeance the longer Lance keeps staring at Keith. But for some reason, one Lance knows and has desperately trying to forget the last three years, he can’t bring himself to stop.

A few minutes later, Allura finds him like that still with an almost filled glass of champagne and still staring blankly at Keith.

“Lance?” She asks, her accent making it come out more like ‘Lonce’ instead of ‘Lance’, “What are you staring at?”

“Hmm…” Lance replies intelligently, “Oh… ah---nothing.”

Allura gives him a skeptical glance, “Doesn’t look like nothing.”

“What-- it’s fine. I’m fine. I’m not looking at anything. Just spacing out.” Lance coughs.

“Okay, Lance. Whatever you say. Sorry I haven’t seen you in a bit. I got trapped by Lotor and he brought Plaxum--trying to make me jealous or something--as his date. So then, as soon as he saw me he started kissing her like this was some kind of high school party and I was supposed to get jealous or something. So instead, like an adult, I poured champagne on his head.” Allura laughed.

Upon realizing Lance wasn’t laughing beside her, Allura abruptly stopped, “Lance? What is going on? Usually, you would be dying to hear the story of me pouring champagne on Lotor’s head. You’ve always hated him, even when we were dating.”

That was true. He had never liked Lotor, probably due to the fact Lance had a crush on Allura when he first met her. The crush slowly faded into admiration and friendship the longer they were friends. Lance was pretty sure he only liked her because she was headstrong and blunt, not to mention insanely beautiful, which only served to remind him of Keith.  _ God, I have a type  _ he thought bitterly. 

“I did not hate him,” Lance told her.

“Yeah.” Allura twirled her silver hair around her finger innocently, “You kind of did.”

Allura and Keith were two different types of beautiful, but each equally attractive. Allura had silvery hair shining against her dark skin, crystal blue eyes, and soft curves. She was gorgeous but in the Disney princess sort of way, seemingly unattainable. Keith, too, was beautiful but in hard edges, can’t be bothered, too good for any one sort of way. His face was almost always lacking motion, but when he did show the slightest of emotion, he did so with his entire body. His amethyst eyes that looked like the galaxies and cosmos when you looked at them in a certain light, his fit body, and calloused hands.

Then, lost in thought, Lance had a rush of remembering what Keith’s hands were like on his skin, all over his body.

Keith was never hesitant with his hands, he was forceful, determined, but also loving and caring towards Lance. He touched and kissed like he did everything else, recklessly which had always sent Lance into a state of euphoria.

Flashes came into Lance’s mind.

  
_ Hands wandering. _

_ Kisses on necks. _

_ Hushed whispers taking up all the silence of empty dorm rooms. _

_ Laughing, his head rested on Keith’s. _

_ Falling asleep next to him, feeling his heartbeat. _

_ His arms wrapped around Keith as they rode down the highway at midnight. _

_ Unpacking boxes in their apartment. _

_ Falling asleep in their new bed. _

_ Languid kisses on Sunday mornings. _

_ “I love you”  _

_ Silence. _

“So you want to tell me what’s up?” Allura asked curiously. “I know somethings up.”

“ _ He’s _ here,” Lance said, barely coming out of his own memories.

Allura stared at him in confusion, “He? Who’s he?”

Lance didn’t reply, he just kept staring at Keith in the distance, wondering how things became so screwed up between them that Lance wants to simultaneously yell at him for leaving and kiss him because he’s so happy to see the other man again.

  
  


_ Three Years Ago _

_ Lance walks into their bedroom to find Keith packing. _

_ “What are you doing?” he asks. _

_ Keith turns, “I’m leaving.” _

_ “Why?” Lance asks quietly. _

_ “Why?” Keith's eyes harden, “Cause I’m sick of being the only one who’s trying?” _

_ “How is this trying, Keith?! You’re the one leaving, not me.” _

_ “Sure you stay. But you’re never here. Not really.” _

_ “How can you say that? I’m here Keith, I’ve been here for the past five years we’ve been together. I was there when Shiro went missing when your mom came back into your life, why are you doing this? We can make it work, we always do.” _

_ “No, Lance.” His eyes fill with tears. “We can’t.” _

_ “Why not?” _

_ “You go to school and come home. We don’t talk Lance! We haven’t for a long time. And I’m sick of fighting for a relationship you clearly don’t want to be in. So I’m out.” _

_ “So this is it?” _

_ “Yeah, this is it.” _  
  


Lance shuddered at the memory.

“I gotta go.” Lance explained hurriedly, “I gotta get out of here.”

Lance pushed his way through the throng of people, making his way towards the exit when he bumped into someone. Their champagne spilled over Lance’s dress shirt.

“I’m so sorry.” The person explained in a familiar voice, one Lance recognized all too well.

Lance slowly looked up, dreading the moment when his eyes would meet the gorgeous eyes he had spent so long trying to forget.

“Lance.” The man breathed.

“Keith,” Lance mumbled, then tried to go back to maneuvering his way through the crowd. As he turned to leave, a hand reached out and grabbed his wrist. 

“Wait!” Lance swiveled around to face Keith, who was staring at him with an indiscernible emotion, “Can we talk?” Keith asked.

Letting out a sigh, Lances’ eyes searched Keith’s for any sign of manipulation, but the gesture fell short, and he was left staring into a purple abyss. Lance replied, “Sure,” but he said it as if he didn’t mean it and the words just came out at their own accord.

Lance watched Keith as he looked around, before turning back towards his ex with a groan, “Can we go somewhere else?” Keith asked. “Somewhere quieter.” He tried to shout over the loud chatter from everyone in the room.

Lance was unsure but still nodded. Keith grabbed his wrist gently and tried to pull them through the crowd of people between them and the door. Lance followed silently, the beating of his heart seeming louder than the voices around him. His gaze lingered on the back of Keith’s hair, the way his mullet seemed to have grown out a bit behind his back, and Lance resisted thinking of the memory of himself pulling Keith’s hair.

They finally made it out of the house, and Keith turned towards Lance abruptly causing them to stare at each other in an intense moment. Lance took a brief second to really take in the man in front of him. He was no longer the boy he had met in high school or the one who had walked out of their shitty apartment that night. He seemed different, good different, evident in the way he held himself up. Keith seemed more mature to Lance, and that made him uneasy. 

Scared even.

Scared of what would happen if he fell back into those amethyst eyes again.

Lance has no doubt in his mind he ever-stopped loving Keith.

It is obvious as Lance is looking at him now, and it’s not as if he’s seeing him for the first time, but rather waking up next to him after an extremely long nightmare.

And then all there is, all there ever was, and all there ever will be, is  _ him _ .

Keith breaks Lance from being lost in memories, “Did you drive here?”

“No,” Lance said. “My date gave me a ride.”    


Lance isn’t sure why he said it, probably for the satisfaction he felt as he watched Keith's eyes grow wide and his mouth set into a frown, “Your date? You have a date? And you're leaving them?”

“She’s just a friend. She knew I was already trying to leave.” He saw Keith take a visible sigh of relief.

Something about Keith’s reaction made Lance’s heart get lodged in his throat, “So, where’d you want to go?” Keith asked.

Lance shrugged, “I don’t know. You’re the one who wants to talk, mullet.” The old, familiar nickname rolled off Lance’s tongue without thinking, and the small smile Keith gives him is evident enough of what weight it carries.

“How about…” Keith started hesitantly, “...the coffee shop on Center and 42nd Street.”

Lance knew that shop well. It was called Altea’s Brews and was a commonplace Lance and Keith would inhabit during their uni days. Their shared apartment was close by plus the coffee was relatively inexpensive, so they went there all the time. 

In the mornings, before and after classes, they even went there on their first date.

Lance  _ really  _ did not need to be thinking about that right now.

And he definitely did not need to be thinking about what they did right Keith’s tiny dorm room right after.

“Okay,” Lance said finally. “We can go there.”

Keith’s eyes lit up as they continued walking. They stopped in front of a shiny red motorcycle, where Keith grabbed his helmet and pulled out a spare, “Your friend gave you a ride so you don’t have a car, right?”

Lance nodded, “I see you got rid of the death trap.” The ‘death trap’ was the affectionate nickname for Keith’s first motorcycle, which was Shiro’s before it had gone missing. When Keith was seventeen, he crashed while on it and damaged it. He had tried to rebuild it after Shiro disappeared and did so slightly, but Lance was always scared it was going to break down any time they had ridden it, so much so that after a while, Lance had refused to even go on it. 

Keith huffed a laugh, “Yeah. Once Shiro got back, he made me get a new one.”

“I saw him--Shiro. When did they find him?”

“About a year after…” Keith trailed off, but Lance got the gist  _ after we broke up. _

“That’s great. I’m so happy for you.” And it was true, Lance was happy for Keith. Happy that he had gotten his shit together after they broke up and made a life he’s happy with.

“Thanks,” Keith answered, passing the spare helmet to Lance.

Lance put the helmet on, “You better drive safe or I’m getting off at the first stop sign.”

“Fine, Lance. We won’t go fast.” Keith added with a grin, “This time.”

Keith straddled the bike and  _ Jesus Christ _ Lance did  _ not  _ need that image back in his head. It made his mind shift back into old memories of creaky dorm room beds and stolen kisses in the middle of the night.

Lance must have been staring for a while because Keith gave him an expectant look. Blushing, he got on the motorcycle and wrung his arms tightly around Keith’s waist as Keith pulled off the curb.

The feeling of Keith in his hands again was overwhelming at best. It felt effortlessly natural, but at the same time devastatingly surreal, like it was a dream he would wake up from momentarily. Before tonight, it had been a while since Lance had really thought of Keith, but now thinking about it, Lance can’t figure out how he could ever let the shorter-man leave his mind.

As they zoomed through traffic lights, weaving through a surplus of cars, Lance’s arms tightened around Keith subconsciously. The winter cold air breezed against his face causing him to shiver in the wind. 

Then, as soon as the ride began, it ended. 

Keith had pulled over into a parking spot and got off the bike, glancing back as Lance hurried off the vehicle. 

Lance felt colder without his arms around Keith and then promptly cursed himself for missing it. 

They walked towards the coffee shop’s entrance and saw a neon sign on the door that read ‘open’. Keith opened the door for Lance who walked through and walked to the counter. One of the people working seemed to have been not expecting anybody in and gave them a look. The other gave Keith a wink the second she saw him.

She was an angry-looking girl with violet eyes and purple hair to match, “Hey Keith. What can I get you?”

Keith gestured towards Lance, “Just my usual and whatever he wants. Lance?”

“Umm…” Lance thought for a moment, his eyes roaming the menu displayed up on the wall, “Just a Vanilla Latte, please.” He finally said.

The girl tried to smile, but it still resembled more of a scowl, “Sure. I’ll bring them out to you when they’re ready.” She gave Keith a pointed look, and Lance swore he saw her mouth his name in question.

Keith nodded, then turned around guiding Lance into the back of the dimly lit shop to one of the booths. They sat across from each other until Lance broke the silence, “So… you know the barista?”

“Oh yeah. That’s Acxa. She’s kind of my sister.” Keith responded.

“What?” Lance blanched, “You have a sister?”

“Uhh yeah. After everything and I was getting to know Krolia, she told me I have a sister. I guess a half-sister technically. But I traveled up to Chicago on a long road trip the summer after…” he trailed off before continuing “And anyway, I met Acxa and she ended moving down here a few months later so I got her a job here. Coran, the old owner, sold the place to Shiro’s fiance last spring I think.”

Lance knew Coran, a flamboyant man with a bright orange mustache because he was Allura’s uncle. He hadn’t known until they had met that he was the same Coran who owned the coffee shop he and Keith frequented when they were together.

“Wow. You have a sister.”

“Yeah.”

“So much has changed.”

“Yeah.” 

“So what have you been up to?” Lance asked. “Get your degree in social work?”

Keith coughed awkardly, “No, actually. I uhh--- I dropped out a few months after we broke up. I couldn’t handle it, so I did a few jobs here and there until I finally get a job at a tattoo parlor down the street, so I do tattoos and piercings.”

“That’s super cool.” Lance responded, “You were always so good at art. I always thought you were going to major in that in college, you know?” Keith did. When they were in high school, before they had gotten together, Lance always told him he should be an artist. But when Keith decided he’d rather become a social worker and help kids in foster care, Lance had immediately gotten on board, thinking it was a great career path for him to take.

“What about you?” Keith asked.

“Oh, yeah. I’m in a graduate program for Marine Biology and then I have an internship at the Aquarium for research and stuff. So yeah, I’m keeping myself busy.”

“I’m so happy for you,” Keith told him, which made no sense to Lance. Acxa came by and dropped off their drinks, and Lance took it as a sign to cut the bullshit.

Lance stopped the formalities and gave a look, “Okay, so now that we’re done with the small talk or whatever can you please tell me what’s going on here? What are you trying to accomplish, Keith? What do you want?” 

“I just want to talk.”

“About what?”

“Us.”

“Us.” Lance breathed, “There is no us Keith. There hasn’t been for three years. You can’t--”

“I know I know. I just want to explain.”

“You want to explain? Why now? You’ve had three goddamn years Keith, so tell me, why haven’t you fucking explained?”

“I didn’t think you wanted to see me.”

“You know I waited, telling Hunk and Pidge and every other of our fucking friends you just dropped, that you were coming back. That it was just a fight and I knew you’d come home. But no,” By this point, Lance was nearly shouting, “You just left! You fucking left and I waiting for so fucking long for you to come back and you never did. I walked into  _ our  _ apartment a week later and all your fucking stuff was gone, what was I supposed to feel? You left, not me.”

Both of them had tears in their eyes, “I’m sorry, Lance. Is that what you want to hear?”

“No, I fucking want to know why?”

“I wish I could tell you, I regretted what I did the moment after I did it. I just left the fucking love of my life in the middle of the night and crashed on Rolo’s couch for like five months. But I couldn’t come back, not when we were having the same fight over and over again. I know you blame me and I would too, but I stand by what I said.”

“And what was that?” Lance glared.

“That you weren’t trying. Lance, those last few months we didn’t talk. I felt like you were slowly shutting me out, so I decided to leave first so you wouldn’t. I love--I loved you so fucking much, and leaving you was--is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it wasn’t working.”

“We could’ve made it work. I told you I wanted to make it work.”

  
“I know. But you have to understand, I had just lost Shiro, I wasn’t capable of trying to make it work, not then.”

“So what? Why are you telling this to me now, Keith?”

“Because I still love you. I knew the second I saw you again, I never stopped.” Keith reached for Lance’s hands.

Lance pulled them away before Keith could grasp them, “It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does. Tell me you don’t love me and I’ll leave. I’ll stay out of your life. Forever. But I don’t want to give up on us, not if there’s still a chance.” Keith pleaded.

Lance let out a shaky sob, “Of course I still love you. As if I could ever stop. But we can’t--not after…” Lance got up and ran out of the cafe.

It was cold outside, colder than when they had gotten there. He pulled his coat closer to him and started to walk. He only got a few steps before Keith was grabbing him by the shoulder, “Please, if you don’t want to see me ever again, I won’t bother you. But I’m not letting you walk home in this weather.”

“I just-- I gotta get out of here.” Lance mumbled, “I thought I could do this. Seeing you again. But it’s so fucking hard, Keith. Of course I still fucking love you, but how could we ever go back to how things were before. There’s too much history. We broke up for good reasons.”

“We did, Lance. I was going through a lot with Shiro and my mom and so were you, I didn’t give you a chance to breathe. To deal with your own stuff.”

“I could’ve been there for you more.” Lance admitted, “I know that. I was sinking in my own anxiety and depression and I blamed you for it. But I was willing to try, and you weren’t. So I don’t know if we could ever get back to were we were.”

“I’m not asking for us to pick up back straight where we left off. I’m asking for a chance.”

“I’m not the same person you left, Keith. I’ve changed, how am I supposed to know if you’ll still love me. You don’t know me.”

“Lance, I’ve changed too. But I know, I’ve become a better man since when we were together. I can offer you so much more than I could have before. I want to know who you are now, I want to know everything about you. Just give me another fucking chance.” Keith reached for Lance’s hands again, who this time let him. “Please?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know how I’m ever supposed to trust you the same way again. We were so young when we met and got together. You were my first everything, my first kiss, first love, my first time.” Lance told him.

“Maybe we needed time to learn who we were without each other before anything else. Maybe we needed this. And I’m not asking you to marry me or anything. I just want another chance. We can start how we started before. As friends and then see how it goes from there.”

Lance gave him a tear-filled smile, “If I say yes, It’s just as friends Keith. I can’t just jump back into a relationship with you, not now, maybe not ever. And you need to be okay with that.”

Keith’s eyes lit up like firelight, “Really?” he asked.

“Really?” Lance breathed.

“Then that’s perfect. I’ll take you any way I can have you.” Keith grinned. Lance hadn’t seen that smile on Keith’s face in so long, but it didn’t feel like that. It didn’t feel like it had been years, it just made him flashback to the last time he saw it.

It  _ felt  _ like coming home.   


Lance smiled back because even after all this time, he still could not refuse Keith anything. 

“Now please,” Keith started, “Let me drive you home.”

“Okay.” 

Lance and Keith got on the bike and once again weaved through the traffic. Keith in his arms felt more than natural this time, they felt like  _ home.  _ Lance whispered directions in Keith’s ears and leaned and he leaned and before he knew it, they had pulled up to Lance’s apartment complex and Lance was getting off the motorcycle.

During their drive, it had started snowing. 

And it felt to Lance like the beginning of something. 

Something wonderful.

Something familiar and new at the same time.

It felt Lance realized, like  _ hope _ .

Lance decided in that moment to give Keith some hope too, “Me, Hunk, and Pidge meet up at the bar on Main and 35th street every Friday night.” He smiled at Keith and felt butterflies, ones he hadn’t felt since Sophomore year for the boy sitting next to him in 4th Period History. “I’ll see you then.”

Keith nodded and Lance walked into his building smiling, thinking of nothing but new possibilities rather than past mistakes.

  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I might turn this into a series if people like it and would want a sequel.
> 
> Please read, and leave a Kudo or comment if you like it.
> 
> I have a few other works if you're interested, a Klance Soulmate AU and a BNHA Fantasy fic both in progress if any of you want to check it out.
> 
> Thank you all and hope you enjoy!


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